Vows tip: the little things are the big things

I adore personalised vows, never more so than in elopement ceremonies, and I give all our Elsewhere couples access to a comprehensive vow-writing guide to help them piece together their own beautiful words. But if I can give just one key tip off the bat, one thing that has arguably stood out most among the hundreds vows I’ve read as a celebrant to date, it’s this:

Think about the small details. The specific actions. The little things, because as we know, the little things are actually often the biggest things.

Referencing the little things your partner has or continues to do is a beautiful way to make your vows wonderfully personal, extra intimate, much more memorable, and perhaps a little light-hearted too if that’s your flavour.

To be perfectly frank: calling your spouse-to-be ‘great’ or ‘amazing’, ‘caring’ or ‘loving’ isn’t exactly different from any other person in your position. I tend to think these statements, on their own, are a given since you wouldn’t be standing here committing to spend the rest of your life with this person if you didn’t think they were great, amazing, caring and/or loving.

No, any friends or family that have been invited to your elopement want to hear what your partner does, specifically, that makes them all of those things. Adding in these little things transform your vows beyond a templated script that could have been downloaded off the internet with your partner’s name simply inserted into the blanks.

More importantly, it’s not only your guests (if any) who will lap up this extra smidge of personalised detail; it’s your partner, the receiver of your words, who will feel all the more seen and heard for all that they do and all that they are.

Maybe it’s the coffee they make you every morning. Maybe it’s them hanging up the washing when you forget you even put the machine on. Maybe it’s the tiny check-in look they give you from across the room when amongst a bunch of friends. For every couple, these little things are different, but for every couple, they’re what make the relationship their relationship.

So do recognise those little things by interweaving just a couple of them into your vows. And as a bonus to the gorgeous moment it’ll create within your ceremony, the positive reinforcement will hopefully see your partner doing such things – such great, amazing, caring, and loving little things – again and again for the rest of your days…

Here’s hoping, anyhow!



Words by Kahani Motiani - resident celebrant for all of Elsewhere’s elopements.